


what about the days when we used to talk?

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Casual Intimacy, Gen, Implied Ziall, M/M, Some pining, mostly just Niall and Zayn though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-03 00:17:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4079362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Makes y’look like a little boy,” he said, fondly. He looked at Niall like he was remembering something. Too-blond hair and crooked teeth. “Like you’re ready to deliver some newspapers or somethin’.” </i> </p><p> <i>Niall’s laughter made his cheeks redder, his heart beat faster. He made Zayn laugh, too.</i></p><p>Niall keeps wearing that hat-and-stripes outfit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what about the days when we used to talk?

**Author's Note:**

> recently renamed this fic, sorry for any confusion!!

They had spent a week in Japan, and Zayn looked drained by the end of it. Niall thinks he saw Zayn smiling when he told the blond he’d look cute in a flat cap, but maybe he’d imagined that part. Niall bought the flat cap they’d been looking at, just to see if it’d make Zayn smile again. 

“Sick,” Zayn had said, cooly, when Niall showed him. He definitely smiled that time, easily taking the hat from Niall’s loose hold. They were standing in an airport or maybe outside their hotel. Niall remembers they definitely had been in Singapore when Zayn fit the hat over Niall’s messy hair, smiled at him like he was the cutest thing Zayn had ever seen. He remembers how hot his skin felt. 

“Makes y’look like a little boy,” he said, fondly. He looked at Niall like he was remembering something. Too-blond hair and crooked teeth. “Like you’re ready to deliver some newspapers or somethin’.” 

Niall’s laughter made his cheeks redder, his heart beat faster. He made Zayn laugh, too. 

*

Somewhere on their way to Bangkok, Niall knows he had been curled around Zayn one night. Niall’s arm had been falling asleep under the weight of Zayn’s neck. With whatever feeling was left in his hand, Niall scrolled through Zayn’s twitter feed, the dim light of the phone illuminating both their faces. 

“Just stop reading ‘em, y’know?” Niall had offered, uselessly. He tossed the phone screen-down against the pillow and pulled Zayn a little closer.

Zayn responded vaguely, barely humming a non-committal, “Mm.” 

Shifting slowly- as if weighed down by the sudden darkness of the room- Zayn turned to face Niall. He had looked at Niall so seriously, he looked like a different person. Niall focused on his eyes, which still looked like Zayn’s.

“It’s not so bad, reading it with you,” he’d say, off-handedly. If this was ‘not so bad,’ Niall didn’t want to know what Zayn was like when he read on his own. When Niall didn’t respond, Zayn nudged him. “Mm? It’s just rumors, right?”

“Yeah,” Niall remembers thinking his voice had sounded far away. Maybe it’s just the memory screwing it up. 

“Change the subject,” Zayn had quickly slurred, shifting against Niall again. He smiled, maybe fake, it didn’t matter. “I like your shirt. Makes y’look fit.” 

Niall wrinkled his nose to hide how genuine his grin had been. Stupidly, he looked down, momentarily forgetting what he had been wearing. A black-and-white, long-sleeved striped shirt. Niall brought his hand to his mouth to bite his nails. 

“Eh? It’s not bad,” he agreed, but laughed as if to tease Zayn. 

“Wear it more often,” Zayn had insisted, brushing his hand against the soft fabric. It feels a bit dreamy to have actually happened, but Niall’s almost certain that’s exactly how it went. 

*

Zayn looked like a corpse when they landed in Hong Kong. Niall googled satin-lined coffins on his phone and showed it to Zayn who laughed like he wanted Niall to leave him alone. 

Niall had pocketed his phone again but kept at Zayn’s heels. Harry asked Zayn if he was alright. So did Liam. Louis only teased him again, which made Niall cringe. Zayn had been wearing that green jacket Niall had always liked in the van, but he can’t remember exactly when Zayn had put it on. 

During the show, it had been hard to smile. Zayn’s low energy felt like a weight on Niall’s shoulders, dragging him further and further down with him. Niall actually felt a bit angry when he saw Zayn’s glossy, teary eyes while singing some song Niall can’t remember anymore. 

“I think I just need to take a break,” Zayn admitted shyly, just to Niall, as soon as they left the stage. 

_It’s just a few more weeks. We have a break coming up so soon. Just stick it out for a few more nights, Zayn._ Niall doesn’t remember what exactly he’d said to not make Zayn stay. 

He left his stupid jacket, smiled, and said, “Wear it when you miss me.” 

* 

The 24th of March was the worst day of Niall’s life, maybe. The 25th was up there, too. But the 24th is when Zayn had called him to say he’d thought about some things. 

*

At first, Niall wanted to throw every single thing that reminded him of Zayn away. Shirts, drawings, bracelets, the entire setlist. Every song would sound better with Zayn, he thought, even as they were being coached on how to sing Zayn’s solos. 

_Zayn’s_ solos. They weren’t for Liam or Harry or Louis to sing. Definitely not for Niall. 

They were on another continent, just a few days later. Niall felt like he had a one-track mind, only finding the energy to think, _Zayn should be here right now_ , over and over again. 

They all seemed angry. Niall felt like he must have been the angriest of them, then felt stupid for that. Then decided that, yes, he definitely was.

* 

In April, maybe a week into their break, Niall remembers seeing the pictures of Zayn at the Asian Awards with his mum. The first thought Niall had was, _he looks so pretty, it isn’t fair_. He’d shaved his head, pierced his nose, and he looked amazing. Niall vaguely thinks if he’d done the same he’d look like an absolute prat. 

Niall picked up his phone, handling it anxiously before opening the messaging app. The last text message between the two of them had been from Niall, on March 25th. 

‘Stop’

Before he can think about it, he typed out ‘Saw your pics frm last night , look great !! Congrats btw’ and sent it out. He got a read receipt just a few seconds later. 

‘! thanks bro ! What are you up to ? you doing alright? Doing anything interesting on break? Last Few shows alright without me? been ages , miss ya bro , call me x’ 

Like a dam had broke, Zayn sent him a ton more texts after that. Which Niall read, but didn’t reply to. 

*

Zayn’s texts slowed down over the next few days, eventually to just a few texts a day. A small update. A picture of something he’d seen that had reminded him of Niall. A question about how his day had been. Ignore, ignore, ignore. 

Niall tried to think of the last time he’d seen Zayn smile. In person, not in pictures. He thinks of the hat he’d bought. The shirt Zayn said he’d liked. 

He had Julian take his picture, because he thought he actually looked nice. Maybe a bit like a little boy, about to start his paper route. He posted the picture to Instagram and wondered if Zayn would see it. Or if he’d care. 

* 

‘I was with you when you bought that hat ! Remember?? Hahaaha x’

‘Yeah’ 

Neither of them text each other at all for a few days after that. 

*

He doesn’t want to take the stupid hat off after Zayn's text. Every time he wears it, it feels a bit like making Zayn laugh- really really laugh- for the last time. 

The shirt makes him feel fit, like Zayn had told him it made him look. He ignores the people on twitter talking about him wearing the same thing twice, three times, five times, a hundred thousand times. He buys another black-and-white striped shirt with short sleeves and broader stripes. 

It’s his uniform. The hat and the shirt. If for a little bit, he can pretend like Zayn is still around. 

*

He wore Zayn’s green jacket on the 24th of April, just a few days after Zayn’s text message. A month after Zayn had left. He remembers feeling self-conscious when the paparazzi had taken his picture, like they’d all know it was Zayn’s jacket. 

Stupid. No one would recognize it. 

Once the pictures are online, Zayn texts him: ‘You miss me too’ 

Niall doesn’t wear the jacket again after that, but the hat and the stripes feel too comfortable now. They still feel like Zayn’s body pressed against his that night in Singapore or Bangkok or wherever it had been. He thinks he can still smell Zayn’s aftershave. 

‘Yeh Guess I do haha’ 

* 

‘Are you gonna wear it on tour ? The hat ? Every one wants to know Niall hahaha x’

Feels weird, seeing his name written out. It’s a text message, so it’s not like it’s in Zayn’s handwriting (if it were, the i’s would be dotted with hearts, he knows). Still, it feels more personal than his previous texts.

It’s the 3rd of June, just a few nights before their show in Cardiff. 

‘Dunno !!’ _Come to the show and find out. I’ll get you a backstage pass and everything. Come on stage with us. Perform with us. Come back. Come back, come back, come back._

‘You’ll see pics soon enough I spose ! cheers mate’


End file.
